this isn’t ‘nam, smokey, there are rules.

this morning as megan and i were leaving our room, we became abruptly aware that something was slightly amiss. it wasn’t the foggy haze in the hallway, nor the crisp aroma of kerosene gently beckoning at my nostrils that warranted my concern so much as the strange man in the black motorcycle helmet wielding the flaming broom. alarms and whistles sounded in my head, replacing what had seconds before been jubilant, anthropomorphous images of dancing muffins, fried eggs and sausage links. ‘WRONG’ my mind told me as i gaped, entirely void of comprehension at the masked man and his broom that was quite literally blazing with sizable orange flames. finding myself unable to let the apathetic grog of pre-breakfast a.m. (did i mention it was morning?) allow me to remain ignorant to this most surreal of good-mornings, i calculated it would be best to investigate the matter. “what are you doing?” i demanded, more calmly than i had anticipated. the anonymous keeper of the demonic sweeper lifted the visor on his helmet to look at me as though i were the crazy one for posing such a ridiculous query. but after a thoughtful moment of careful consideration, he proudly and enthusiastically proclaimed ” i don’t know.” he flipped the visor down as megan and i exchanged semi-exasperated but satisfied shrugs, silently agreeing that the pursuing this investigation was a fool’s errand. moreover, we supposed that there was a halfway decent chance that our hostel would not, in fact, be a smoldering ash pile upon our return, in addition to the irrefutable fact that our breakfast certainly wasn’t just going to eat itself.

it’s so damn hot i’m seeing polka dots!

well i am sure that you have all been anxiously wringing your hands in anticipation of the next morsel of entertainment from your cursed heroes abroad, and i can speak for the whole of the prime directive when i say, sorry for any pee in your panties but i do hope you  enjoyed the mounting suspense. i believe we last left off on some island in thailand and from there we jumped to…another island in thailand. ko chang, to be exact, by way of another fine recommendation from a certain j. winston, which neatly moved us easternly towards the forever fated land of cambodge. we found ourselves in a well suited ewok bungalow village, where each leaning tower came with a complimentary outdoor shower and shitter sideorder. after weeks of being minorly adrift looking for the perfect beach/ocean combination, our mission appeared completed, and much more so than the last public use of that phrase.

no touch monkey

-previously on The Prime Directive-

-previously on The Prime Directive–

when last we left our lionhearted heroes, they were careening furiously down rock-clustered rapids of crashing white water with little more than a pair of poorly battered paddles and their scattered wits about them.

“we’re headed straight for that rock!” the cute one cried to the hairy one.

(at this point, I urge you to click this link and press the “play” button for dramatic effect.)

stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion of this week’s The Prime Directive.