Archive for the travel Category

dear diary…

Posted in culture, humor, life, travel with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2009 by abuttercup

…it’s been a hot minute since last we spoke, so forgive me if i take a moment to change and settle into my pleated, high fastening blogger pants while i get on down to brass tacks. now as i’m sure all you avid readers have noticed, i’ve been trying some new and controversial methods of blogging the past few entries to boost ratings and draw new readers. obviously its been working considering the obscene plethora of fan mail that’s currently taking over my poor secretary’s desk. and as flattered as i am, i’m more appalled by the fatuous impracticality of my readers expressing their adoration via the postal service when there are perfectly usable comment fields below in which to gush. kids these days. Continue reading


the stupids step out

Posted in travel with tags , , , , , on September 25, 2009 by megan

have you read or watched tales of such titles? it was a familial favorite in the helton household when i was a wee one and as such, a phrase that applied to many an outing. if you have not been so exposed, let this be your deflowering in the ways of all things stupid, and in september.

we left laos under the preconception of a miscalculation, one that could easily have been rectified had we simply deciphered the block lettered visa like normal, prepared travelers do. we have, after all, made our lives out of this trip. instead, we returned to thailand a week earlier than necessary, and with 3 days hanging out of the end of our new thai entry stamp like a seatbelt enclosed in the backdoor of a speeding sedan – scratching, denting, and annoying the crap out of owner and observer alike. Continue reading

Laos Def Poetry Jam

Posted in culture, humor, life, travel with tags , , , , on September 3, 2009 by abuttercup

they call me cardboard ’cause of the way i breaks it down.

♣   ♥   ♦

come gather ’round, chillun, and have ye a listen,

to my lyrical precision, watch my very prose glisten.

as i christen this edition of the prime directive mission,

it’s imperative this narrative speaks true to my ambition.

Continue reading

negative nancy narrates.

Posted in culture, travel with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2009 by megan

each one of you caring individuals have queried at one point or another the rather reasonable if slightly uncouth question ‘how the hell are you 2 able to afford this?’ the most honest response i can give is vague and disappointing, so perhaps more to point is what we don’t do. living in se asia can be moderately done on what the hardened and pretentious backpackers refer to as the shoestring, but it can be further cut by bypassing budget busting beers (after all, we’d much rather get drunk with ya’ll) and faithfully following the adage that most stomach pains can be cured with a little hydrogen two the oxygen. what we certainly do not do is go to quaint vietnamese river towns that are known for their custom tailoring and become seduced by silk shops and cloth closets. no no, we do not daydream nor twirl in the mirror, thinking about how exquisitely exotic this dress with that suit will look debuting during springtime formal affairs (that’s right, the blame is on you, engaged interests). we absolutely do not tourist trek towards the coast and decide to spend 3 days upgrading our underwater skills to an advanced level while splurging on sit down dinners 2 nights out of 4. no, we just simply do not do that, as we are the utmost masters of the mind and of the self. that’s right, dear friends, we do not do these things. and since we now all know that we don’t do them, you folks can delight in your insight and we may shelebrate in our shekels. Continue reading

this isn’t ‘nam, smokey, there are rules.

Posted in culture, humor, travel with tags , , , on July 27, 2009 by abuttercup

this morning as megan and i were leaving our room, we became abruptly aware that something was slightly amiss. it wasn’t the foggy haze in the hallway, nor the crisp aroma of kerosene gently beckoning at my nostrils that warranted my concern so much as the strange man in the black motorcycle helmet wielding the flaming broom. alarms and whistles sounded in my head, replacing what had seconds before been jubilant, anthropomorphous images of dancing muffins, fried eggs and sausage links. ‘WRONG’ my mind told me as i gaped, entirely void of comprehension at the masked man and his broom that was quite literally blazing with sizable orange flames. finding myself unable to let the apathetic grog of pre-breakfast a.m. (did i mention it was morning?) allow me to remain ignorant to this most surreal of good-mornings, i calculated it would be best to investigate the matter. “what are you doing?” i demanded, more calmly than i had anticipated. the anonymous keeper of the demonic sweeper lifted the visor on his helmet to look at me as though i were the crazy one for posing such a ridiculous query. but after a thoughtful moment of careful consideration, he proudly and enthusiastically proclaimed ” i don’t know.” he flipped the visor down as megan and i exchanged semi-exasperated but satisfied shrugs, silently agreeing that the pursuing this investigation was a fool’s errand. moreover, we supposed that there was a halfway decent chance that our hostel would not, in fact, be a smoldering ash pile upon our return, in addition to the irrefutable fact that our breakfast certainly wasn’t just going to eat itself. Continue reading

it’s so damn hot i’m seeing polka dots!

Posted in culture, life, travel with tags , , , , , , , on July 12, 2009 by megan

well i am sure that you have all been anxiously wringing your hands in anticipation of the next morsel of entertainment from your cursed heroes abroad, and i can speak for the whole of the prime directive when i say, sorry for any pee in your panties but i do hope you  enjoyed the mounting suspense. i believe we last left off on some island in thailand and from there we jumped to…another island in thailand. ko chang, to be exact, by way of another fine recommendation from a certain j. winston, which neatly moved us easternly towards the forever fated land of cambodge. we found ourselves in a well suited ewok bungalow village, where each leaning tower came with a complimentary outdoor shower and shitter sideorder. after weeks of being minorly adrift looking for the perfect beach/ocean combination, our mission appeared completed, and much more so than the last public use of that phrase. Continue reading

no touch monkey

Posted in culture, humor, travel with tags , , , , on June 24, 2009 by abuttercup

-previously on The Prime Directive-

-previously on The Prime Directive

when last we left our lionhearted heroes, they were careening furiously down rock-clustered rapids of crashing white water with little more than a pair of poorly battered paddles and their scattered wits about them.

“we’re headed straight for that rock!” the cute one cried to the hairy one.

(at this point, I urge you to click this link and press the “play” button for dramatic effect.)

stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion of this week’s The Prime Directive. Continue reading